Friday, August 19, 2011

Top 10 Dumbest monsters from 1st edition Monster Manual 5-1

Number 5
If you don’t know why Toothy here is on the list, it’s his name. Again stretching for water monsters, his name is like they tossed a bag of scrabble tiles and named it what came out. Either that or it’s something from Lovecraft. These guys actually got reprinted in second and third editions with the same name. I imagine a game where these are in a module GM:” You are approached by a vicious looking Isik.. Isi.. Tooth fish”

Number 4
Otyugh also suffers from scrabble bag disease but he’s got more wrong with him. He literally lives in poop. The only way your characters will run afoul of him is if they see the big pile of monster droppings and say “Hey let’s go poke around in that.”

Number 3
Peryton was compiled by placing animal pictures on a dart board and tossing them with a blind fold. He has a human shadow because Gygax took a dart while getting a soda. That’s the only explanation I can come up for this freak of nature. He’s a deer eagle with the shadow of a man. Jorge Luis Borges was actually the person who created this creature in his 1957 book “Book of imaginary Beings” but it’s still absurd.

Number 2
Thought eater… magic psychic duck… It’s completely useless unless you happen to have a psionic character and anyone who ever read the rules for 1st and 2nd edition psionics and understood them had far better things to do in the 80’s, like brain surgery or rocket science. I joke, they weren’t that complicated but they were needlessly overpowered unless you based your campaign around it (dark sun) and had their own weird set of rules to play by.

Number 1
Brain Mole let me count the ways I despise you. First you’re a psionic creature, see Thought Eater, second you’re a stupid mole, third you managed to get reprinted in second and third edition, fourth YOU’RE A STUPID MOLE. I really hate this creature. It’s another one of those monsters that unless you happen to have a psi character around is completely useless. Even if you do happen to have a psi, using it kind of feels like a jerk move. You’re picking on the guy cause of the class he plays; it’s a no win really.

If your wondering where 10-6 are click here


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. For some reason my text got all screwed up...

    What I said was, I think I am reading a pokemon list and I gag a little then I realize its DnD and I relax haha

  3. they do seem kinda pokemonish don't they

  4. I think they would make some funny tattoos.