Thursday, August 18, 2011

Top 10 Dumbest monsters from 1st edition Monster Manual 10-6

Number 10
Apatosaurus and various other dinosaurs take up about 2 pages of the Monster Manual. Why? Has anyone ever used these? I’m pretty sure the game is called Dungeons and Dragons not Land of the Lost. These would have been better suited to be detailed, as many monsters are, in theme specific modules like a Land of the Lost or Journey to the Center of the Earth.

Number 9
Ogre Mage is a good monster but my problem with him is he is called a “Japanese Ogre” in the description. None of the other monsters have nationalities. We don’t see Irish leprechauns or Serbian Night Hags. Why does the Ogre Mage get this special modifier? My only thought is perhaps it’s to define him as not a regular ogre that just knows magic, if that’s the case he should have probably been called an oriental ogre instead.

Number 8
Herd Animal is very bland. About the only way they could have gotten any less descriptive is to just call it an animal. It isn’t even helpful on stats the whole block is pretty much dashes and nil with the hit dice being 1-5.0 So these “Herd Animals” have anywhere from 1 to 40 hit points, thanks for the specifics Monster Manual. This creature falls into that category of “who would ever use it” with the dinosaurs. My personal theory is that Tom Wham was doodling during a boring part of a game and drew a cool giraffe chasing the party and everyone at TSR was like OMG we have to put that in a book!

Number 7
Another Tom Wham Drawing, Blink dog is a prairie dog that can blink. I’m scared, seriously I’m shaking. When you actually look at its stats it has a respectable block. It’s just the concept of fighting a monster that looks like it belongs in Paris Hilton’s purse.

Number 6
This one didn’t have a drawing it’s just a stat block and description. I get the feeling that they were trying really hard to come up with monsters for ocean encounters. When has any DM ever anywhere said “You know what I’m going to have them fight dolphins, now if only I knew how tough dolphins were?”

1 comment:

  1. I NEED to fight Dolphins!!!!!
    Blood Crazed Beasts!!!